At my 16 week appointment I was all but begging my midwife to peer into a crystal ball and tell me how I could know for sure this pregnancy would stick. Though my previous losses had been early first trimester losses, the worry and fear wouldn’t quit, despite every healthy ultrasound, heartbeat and test result. What I wanted her to tell me was the exact calculus of what could possibly go wrong, when, and in what ways from this point on in my pregnancy. What I got was a referral for therapy and an order to quit Instagram and for the love of God to stop Googling.

It was the kindest tough love I’d ever received, and from that appointment forward I had a renewed desire to really tame the worry and find ways to experience more joy and connection to my pregnancy.

Here are the 5 things that turned my pregnancy experience around, and spoiler alert, resulted in me delivering a happy, healthy rainbow baby (5 days past her due date, but that’s a story for another time).

#1 Quitting Social Media

Once I was “prescribed” a strict no-Instagram and Google diet, I realized that part of why social media had become such a dark place for me was because I’d gotten stuck in the pregnancy loss algorithm. When I was in the muck of it all and grieving, there was a lot of support and light to be found from the content I was finding. But once I was ready to start focusing on enjoying a peaceful, healthy pregnancy I couldn’t escape harrowing stories of loss, heartbreak and grief–even from accounts completely unrelated to pregnancy or parenting. I just needed to delete the app and throw away the mental key.

Quitting Instagram and the deep Google NetMums holes was hands down the best thing I did during my pregnancy, and is something I recommend to any mom at any stage of motherhood who is struggling with worry or fear. Comparison is the thief of joy and that is what those apps and forums are designed to bring you.

#2 Meditating with the Expectful App

I’d used the Expectful App a bit during my first pregnancy, but at that point it was primarily just weekly meditations to do as you progressed week by week in your pregnancy. Today, there are tons of different kinds of meditations for all stages of motherhood from the TTC days through postpartum and beyond. On a whim I tried a morning breathwork meditation that turned out to be nothing less than transformational for me. I relied on this app a TON throughout this pregnancy to ground me back to earth when my thoughts would try and pull me back to the dark side. Click here to get $10 a subscription using my code, you’re welcome :)

#3 Joining a Pregnancy Circle/Support Group

Something I found incredibly supportive and restorative for me during the newborn days with my first child were my weekly moms group meetups. An hour to let it all out and realize you’re not the only one who can’t figure out the key to motherhood and that we’re all just doing the best we can. During the pandemic, the same group that facilitated my newborn circle started hosting a virtual pregnancy circle, which I joined at this point to help me get out of my head and connecting with other pregnant moms who were also going through the hormonal ups and downs. Many local yoga studios, childbirth educators or doula groups may also host a similar circle, so if you think a weekly vent session with other moms who get it might help, you should check it out (Googling permitted in this case)!

#4 Watching Positive Pregnancy Updates

An idea I didn’t get from the Internet but felt right to me was the idea to watch other moms weekly pregnancy updates on Youtube (is it really social media?). It was part of my attempt to rewire my brain to be more positive and grateful for my pregnancy. My two favorite channels to keep up with were from Natalie Bennett and Mama Natural. This was a ritual I kept all the way through week 40, and as I’m looking these up to share with you I realize they have postpartum weekly updates too, so I can catch up with my favorite mom pals in these early days too!

#5 Reading Books on Breathwork, Mindfulness and Managing Anxiety

Therapy didn’t feel quite right to me at the time, so in addition to trying out all the things above to beat and manage my struggle to stay in the moment, I also dove more into topics that interested me and/or took a more objective view of pregnancy anxiety and worry. Here are three picks I would recommend to get your head into a different space:

The Pregnancy Workbook: Manage Anxiety and Worry with CBT and Mindfulness Techniques was a straightforward and practical resource for seeing pregnancy anxiety in a more objective light.

How To Breathe I loved learning more about breathwork from this book, and applying that knowledge to the meditations I practiced elsewhere like in the Expectful app. There are tons of interesting exercises in the book, I just have a better time mediating when I have audio guidance. My favorite tip from the book was the suggestion to lie on your back when meditation or doing breathwork if you are grieving, which I found incredibly restorative until I wasn’t able to lie flat on my back comfortably.

Care of the Soul This is one I’m still working through, but this pregnancy had me craving a connection to a larger purpose and meaning, and my own inner-knowing. This is a juicy read if you’re feeling like you want to get really deep with yourself. Good luck!

Are you working through pregnancy after loss? Are you a mama to a rainbow baby already? What are your best tips for making it through this challenging journey?